The year is 2016. I wake up from a deep slumber and casually roll out of bed onto the carpeted floor where my mattress is firmly planted. Life isn’t going well but at least I have my health (JUUL doesn’t get big until 2017).

I pick my phone up off the floor and notice that it’s gone through an update overnight. No big deal, Apple has probably just updated the frequency in which they sell my bank information to overseas vendors. But then I notice it… I open up my group chat cleverly titled “The BOyz” and see something so foreign yet so enticing.

A “HaHa” on one of my classic bantz texts.

A wave of confusion crashes over me. What is this new medium of communication? What does one need to say in order to receive more? How many girls will use this to humiliate me when I ask them “What would you be doing if I was there? ;-)” (6)

Little do I know, this simple form of expression will morph into the only thing that brings me happiness in this cruel, bedframe-less existence I call life.

These are all examples of low energy texts sent by myself that have been transformed into raw adrenaline through the use of “HaHa”.

My life has reached the point where I am chasing the “HaHa” with nearly every text I send. I am addicted. Tap the vein and give me more. My timing, content, and attentiveness to my group chat have all increased in the pursuit of the “HaHa”.

There are many different forms of “HaHa’s”. Some come from pure laughter. Others are sent with pity. Some even are used against you:

But the Holy Grail of “HaHa’s” are when every member of your group chat sends one your way. Like Zuckerberg at a Senate hearing, you feel invincible in those moments. Everything has come together to make the perfect text that all must bow down to.

Take this text about the listless Miami Dolphins. Pure lighthearted fun. I received a “HaHa” from all six group chat members for this text. I felt like Thanos placing the final infinity stone into the gauntlet. And yes, my grandfather should be receiving the credit but he’s not quite “The BOyz” material yet.

“HaHa” is the new currency. Crypto? Forget it. Gold? Why do I need metal when I have digital love. Fair warning, don’t start chasing “HaHa’s” unless you want to become a hastily-employed comedic savant like myself. HaHa