Music festivals.

They come in all shapes and sizes. Small EDM gatherings in the desert. Blockbuster four day events in New York. One day country fests with Big & Rich as the headliner. Not all festivals are created the same, but all share one common bond:

Going to one makes you cool, and having a press pass makes you hella cool.

Having a press pass at a music festival is like being the guy on campus who’s walking a puppy but for four days straight. You feel important. All eyes are on you. You can go places no one else can go, like straight into the arms of a sorority sister. Press passes give you that “Fuck You” energy that comes with either having millions of dollars or a cool blog.

You may have read an article posted on Henlo Lizard where I discussed the difficulties of being a hot startup blog and how I can’t stop your girlfriend from reading our content. Over the weekend I decided to make a conscious effort to use our hot startup blog fame for the greater good. I decided to email as many music festivals as I could (108) to see if they would provide Henlo Lizard with four press passes to their event.

This is a screenshot of how I spent my Saturday morning. While most of you were busy sleeping in until noon, I woke up at 11:30am and started grinding away for content.

I emailed as many festivals as humanly possible. I spent literal minutes scouring the contact pages for different companies, searching for the elusive contact email of their press coordinator. Here’s a sample form I would fill out for the Henlo Lizard team:

Now for those of you wondering “Does Henlo Lizard actually have thousands of readers?” the answer is yes. We pride ourselves on communicating with audiences in Ukraine, Brazil, Columbia, and Thailand. So thank you to all of the active readers in these countries.

After sending out my 100+ emails, I patiently waited for responses to trickle in.

We received an overwhelmingly negative response. Of the 108 festivals emailed, only 8 responded. Of the 8 that responded, all said no in some way shape or form. I thought that festivals were supposed to support a sense of encouragement among their patrons? Where is the encouragement for blogs that talk about nonsense? Where is the encouragement for white male 22 year olds that feel entitled to things??????

Like the title of this article suggests, I hope you are SHOCKED by the results because I know that I was.

And if you’re a member of the festival media reading this, please just let us have the passes. You will have no greater champion/promoter on earth than the four people that write for this blog. For the 8 festivals that already declined our request, know that you are dead to us…..unless you decide to give us passes??? ahahah? what if ????